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ebeth215

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Where is your favorite place to relax?

My home away from home, FHS class room 201. With my favorite teacher in the whole entire world Mr. Finley!  It's were I have always felt the safest & were I spent my last three years turning into a wonderful person.
Current Mood:
bored bored
Current Music:
Magic Show
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Were to even began with the last few days... First off watching movies makes me over think life and for some reason I just enjoy the feeling of watching a good movie. It really sometime puts life in a new perspective. Aside from the new perspective thing, my future goals are changing all around me. I guess I needed to break away to really see the true me for a few moments. I was tangled up in everyone elses lives that I could not even see my own, I guess sometimes I can be a bit to over caring. Thats not a bad thing though only a thing that needs to be watched at times and tuned down a bit. This week really made me look at many parts of my life. Some parts make me happy, others a little sad. My emotions have been all up and down, I don't even know. Thats besides the point that I am trying to make though. This week has really made me develop a feel for my future. I know I have these supposive awesome friends and family, but honestly were have they been at times? Like when I was hurt the most my supposive "Best Friends" were to busy with there boy friends. So whom did I vent to, my teacher.. As odd as that may seem he is awesome and made me understand many things. Though if you were to ask any teenager who they went to when times were rough and they replied that.. yeah. I suppose that we all find people in our life through different things and that it doesn't matter who is in your life, it just matters if they care. If you can find a group of people who care the world about you, then you my dear are home. For me home will come one day, I will remain searching with my eyes wide open, hoping for the best! A wise man once taught me to hope for the best, but expect the least. I guess my hopes are always up about things, I just want the best in my life, because I know I deserve it. People think they know everything about my life, but we all have our pasts. Mine I am still trying to cope with and put behind me, but it's hard when some of it is a mystery. I think these next few months will be intresting, it will show if what I have feared for so long is true or if I have mistaken myself and listened to a liar over my knowledge of an amazing person.
Current Mood:
content content
Current Music:
Lover, Lover
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So I have thought about today and tomorrow and how everyday is just a different day. I mean what I do today I can do tomorrow or the following day after that. It's just weird how each day works. One day is never the same as the other, even if it feels as though it is. Sometimes we just go through the motions and forget the beauty of each day. If life were a book, each page would be a day. It could hold secrets, lies, love, pain, joy, or happiness. You never know what could happen in a moment. "I gues were all one phone call from our knees" - Mat Kearney. We never know what a moment could bring, here one day gone tomorrow. I leave you with the advice to live your life to it's fullest and to imagine everyday like your last. For any moment could be your last. Don't leave life with hate and make sure you leave with no words unsaid. Sometimes we all forget about what life can bring. Everyday is a new journey, a new experience. It's up to you what you do with your time here. It's up to you how your today is spent, but remember what you do today will affect tomorrow.
Current Mood:
good good
Current Music:
Little Boxes
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Have you ever woken up and thought, wait a second. I am how old? I have just experienced this feeling. I can't believe high school is done, I feel like a part of me is gone. For some reason I have developed a huge amount of love and respect for everyone at that school and this good-bye is harder than I ever imagined. I look at pictures and ask were the time went. It's like were here for a moment and then in a blink of an eye we are gone. I don't how next year will go, but hopefully good. I just keep picturing graduation over and over. I can't stop but think, WOW. I guess it doesn't really hit you until it is over. Most things are like that, you don't know a good thing til it's gone. I just am beside myself, I can rememeber the first day of high school. I was so nervous.. When I graduated though, I just felt like I was surronded by family and we were all just hanging out. It's weird how people can affect your heart so much, some people really just grow to you. I feel as though tomorrow I will be back in school going through my every day schedual, for I only wish. I shall take a drive today and just think of all those memories amongst those class rooms. That buliding holds many memories good and bad, but all those memories are a big part of me.  I am so thankful for that school, it brought me closer to many amazing people. Sometimes I really over looked the importance of some people in that building, but I was young and reckless just like any other teen ager. I was preoccupite in a moment, forgetting how soon that moment would be over.
Current Location:
piano bench
Current Mood:
weird weird
Current Music:
OMG
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When do we know we have found all that we have been looking for. Is there ever a true moment of satisfaction or will I always feel a bit empty. Will I seek everything I am looking for or will I fall on my face and be laughed at. Every dream I dream, will they be true? Or am I to be the next laughing stalk, merely just getting around. I fear maybe my satisfaction will be of little, that selling myself short will be what I do. Maybe I just need a hobby or two. If I could just find myself a good man, he will be the first one I know. Maybe then I will know what love is, not just the lust and sexual attraction, but the kind of love you can't explain. The unique love that you want forever and ever. I just want some satisfaction. Someday I will travel this world. Find out what others do and how they find there happiness. There has to be an answer out there some where, someone must know. I will keep looking for that someone or maybe I will just go with the flow, but whatever I may do I just hope to find me, some satisfaction.
Current Mood:
bored bored
Current Music:
I Am Changing
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Has someone you loved and respected ever done something you consider despicable? If so, how did you deal with it? Did you try to forgive them? Did it permanently change your feelings for them?

I found out some one I really thought I trusted was lieing to everyones faces. He had taught me many things over the past few years I have known him and I really looked up to this person. Most people insisted that I was head over heals for him, but I just saw such an amazing person. When I found out that our relationship had pretty much all been lies, all the times I just needed him to listen were just fake moments of trust. It breaks my heart to think about and I still haven't even confronted him. It's a little to late to do it anyways seeing as he was my teacher and now I am off to college. Though it's not like I won't see him with his daughter being in my movie night crew. It just sadens me and I have just changed my whole outlook on him. I don't think I could trust him again and I am glad that school ended when it did. It just sucks to know that someone that nice and that all those good times of helping him out when need be were lies. I don't think I could look back, because it hurts me to much. So I am looking forward and hoping his life will not cross with mine, for what am I to say. It's like finding out your hero is a fraud... It is that, exactly that. My hero is a fraud, ohh what am I to do. My life is so lost and he sleeps sound at night. He taught me trust and took that away. I feel as though I have lived a dream of lies. This passage is just so scattered, but to many emotions are just coming to light. I just wish some one knew what I was talking about. I mean to know this person and to have been through the ups and down with someone is just a bunch of craziness. I don't know what I will do from here...
Current Mood:
blank blank
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A great woman once told me that life was like a quilt. You went through life and added each layer and stich on as you went. She continued to speak of how every achievement lead to another patch finished and every bad thing just lead to a patch that needed to be redone. I find this advice some of the best I have ever recieved in my life. I think life is just such a precious thing. There are so many options in life and so many outcomes possible. Your quilt could be perfect or it could have some mess ups here and there. The most important thing is to learn from those mess ups. Find a way to take those messed up stiches out and find a way to correct them. Those first holes will be there to remind you of what has happened, but the fix will make you feel so much better in the long run. I know at times dealing with life issue is sometimes to much, expecially in your teen age years. We all go through life and experience different things and have our own battles. Though each of our battles are not the same, most of the same points are found amongst them. If you look beyond just the simple outlines of two issues in different peoples lives, you will find odd similarities most the time. Either it be the way you dealt with it or the underlying matter that needs fixing. The saying I hate the most in life is "You don't know how I feel?"... We all go through things and we all don't know how eachother feel at times. Life is made so that each of us can go through it with our own insights and experiences. It is designed to make us all some how a contributer to society. Everyone plays a huge role in eachothers lives, you just have to figure out which role you will chose to play. Will you be there to make or break someones day? How will you impact those around you as you go along on journey? How many stiches will need to be redone on your quilt? I ask you to think about your life and your journey ahead of you. You are the creator of your own destiny, no one is holding you back from anything. If they are.. Just push them aside! ( some how in a poliet manor)
Tags:
Current Mood:
sleepy sleepy
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Which do you tend to regret more: things you wish you hadn't said or done or things you wish you had?

I regret the words I left unspoken. Sometimes there are things in life that I wish I had dealt with better or things I had just had more courage in dealing with. I remember when a good friend of my family died of cancer, I couldn't face the good-bye. I had never lost anyone in my life until that moment. The feeling hurt even more with words left unsaid. I would do anything to go back in time, to see him one last time on the side lines of the home town football field. To see his smile and to embrace his hug will be the first thing I do when I arive at the pearl gates. I would also say Iove you to the man who I still love to this day. I think about him everyday of my life and the days drag on like years, just awaiting a word from him. It's better to have said to much, than to have never spoken a word your heart felt. Sometimes the things you say may get you into trouble, but it's better to have said something. Like one of my favorite songs by John Mayer - " Say what you need to say."
Current Mood:
sleepy sleepy
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To me it means my life. My mother and father are who created me and my brothers are the ones who have shapped me into a strong woman. I see them as the builder of my life, they give you the foundation to go ahead and start building your own life. They are there for you to lean on when weak and they provide a love for you no one else can. All families are diffenent and I am one who knows this first hand. My two adopted brothers always remind me how lucky I am to live the life I have lived. I know from accepting them in my hearts and into my home that I have learned so much more about life. It is not always just a shopping trip, a night with the girls, or movies with a boy. It's the people who try to help you along your journey, who provide for you the care and knowlegde. Life doesn't always bring a good day, but going home at the end of the day always makes the day a wonderful one!
Current Mood:
calm calm
Current Music:
Crash Into Me - DMB
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It's not like me to sit around and think about the future so much. I just can not get college out of my head or my dreams. What if I do not end up doing good and my future life just crumples. Will I ever find love or will I be stuck on a day to day basis with a boy who I know doesn't want me in his life. Will someone let me into there world and be okay with everything I have to tell them. I don't see how people can go through life to easily, I understand it's nothing to be to serious about. The saying no one gets out alive is one I like to live by, but that doesn't help when you just don't know. I wish some magical globe had my furtue inside. That may not even help though for who knows if my furture is even any good. I haven't slept in weeks and my attitude is all over the place. With worries of every little thing, I fear my anxiety is back. I don't know if I can go through all of this all over again.. I just fear for it all and hope for the best. Every day is just going to have to be it's own day and I will live them as they go by. This summer already feels like it is planned out, I feel as though it is only two weeks long. The big 18 will be here sooner than I know it and it's time for me to grow up, like it or not. All aboard adult hood, leaving child hood central..
Current Mood:
nervous nervous
Current Music:
Bad Romance
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